


The Faded Tombstone

by doctorcaslock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Cemetery, Fluff and Angst, Human!Castiel - Freeform, M/M, ghost - Freeform, ghost story, lovestory, written in letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:11:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorcaslock/pseuds/doctorcaslock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean goes to a suburban town that has sightings of a ghost. Going out of interest rather than necessity, Dean leaves Sam at the Batcave to figure out what is going on. Once he arrives, he finds out that these stories are not just for the campfire.</p><p>Almost every night, a man is seen in the local cemetery, standing over one gravestone. Dean tries to find out the history, but the grave stone itself is illegible, and no one knows who the ghost might be. He is described as a middle ages man wearing a trenchcoat. His clothes are modern, but he has been seen here for almost a decade.</p><p>Dean decides to inspect the cemetery at night, to see if he can come face to face with this ghost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hey Sammy,

I finally arrived this morning in Valhalla, New York. It's a busy little town, what with just being outside of White Plains. Man, it's like a mini-New York City, but yea I found that cemetery we were talking about. You would like it here; it's busy enough where there are people EVERYWHERE, yet it has the green lawned houses that all sit in a row. I was able to get into a motel not too far from the cemetery, but before I got into that I was able to explore the place a bit. Dude, it has a dam- a HUGE dam. Oaky, maybe not Hoover-Dam-huge, but it's still impressive, there's a park in front of it where people gather for events and stuff, so I took that opportunity to talk to people about this ghost.

And man, are these stories interesting.

Behind the dam sits a large-ass reservoir that supplies water to the city, and apparently in that reservoir was an old village. Some say that when the tide drops you can see the top of an old church peeking out from the water. Then the locals began to talk about the cemetery. It is located so that not only do main roads cut right through the middle, but also the train runs along the edge of it as well. And all the stories center around one ghost.

Part of the cemetery goes up a large hill, and at the bottom of that is where the road runs through. At night, people coming home would be able to see a faint light walking through one of the rows up on the hillside. They move too fast to actually see anything, but there was this one woman (she reminded me of Missouri Mosely, remember her?) who was telling me that she was walking home one night when she first moved here five years ago and she saw this light. The cemetery was closed and gated, so she wasn't able to get inside, but she did go to the keeper of the cemetery, and he explained to her that he is a regular occurrence, and that it is actually a local favorite, that everyone knew the 'Kensico Ghost.'

So naturally I went to the cemetery itself. The Keeper on duty was Sarah Lyda. She's a bit older, and kinda big, but she was more than happy to talk about their ghost. She told me that he has a variety of nicknames, 'Kensico Ghost,' 'Ken,' 'Larry' for some reason, and other random names, but she believes that his name is of a kind that no one uses any more. "Something out of the Bible," she said. She doesn't know what name exactly, but she likes her nickname 'Cas.'

I dont know. The name sounded familiar to me. What about you? Do you remember anyone we know named Cas?

Anyway, she told me that every night as she closes the cemetery she spots him walking the same area that other woman told me, and then stops at one Tombstone. He stays there for a varying length of time, and then he disappears.

This is at like, midday, so she takes me to that spot. It has a nice view of the cemetery, being on the hillside. We can easily see the main road going through, and at a distance the train tracks. The tombstones in this small area are relatively new, with the death dates being in the 80's and 90's. The thing about this specific tombstone however, is that the face is completely weathered. You can't make out a thing. Sarah said that people have tried that thing where you rub a crayon on a piece of paper on the face, but even then the words are too weathered to make any sense of. At this point I'm shaking in my boots- this is the perfect ghost story.

One faded stone surrounded by others that are almost new? Sarah even said that their records do not have any identification on who is buried here. The list basically has a blank spot where this tombstone lies. And this Ghost, Cas. He wears modern clothes, just a suit and a trenchcoat. Why would he visit a tombstone that seems to be from the 1500's? The tomb stone can't be from the 1500's, because this cemetery wasn't even founded until 1889.

I asked her if I was abe to come visit when it's nighttime, to see if I can witness this guy myself. She said no of course, but you know me Sammy

Who am I to obey the rules?


	2. Chapter 2

Jesus Christ Sammy

Jesus Christ.

I don't even know where to begin. I mean, I am in shock. My hand is shaking as I write you this letter, and you know me, shaking? Over a ghost? But this is different Sam.

Much different.

The night after I talked to Sarah I snuck into the cemetery. It wasn't too dark, given the main road only a couple dozen feet away, so I didn't bother to bring a flashlight. The air was warm, being a summer night, but once I began to get close to the tombstone, the temperature dropped like a stone in water, and by the time I was only 5 tombstones away, I was almost freezing. It stood there innocently enough, standing as straight as soldiers in their line. I looked around, but when I turned back to the tombstone, someone was there.

He had a fain glow to him, and despite beging a tiny bit transparent, it was like he was actually there in front of me. At first I was only startled  but then I saw that he was looking straight at me. The thing is, I was able to make out every detail of his face. This isn't like the ghosts we have dealt with in the past. Visually, he was more of those poorly done movie ghosts, all made of ectoplasm and shit. 

He looked straight at me, eye to eye, and there was something about him that made me freeze. I think it was the color of his eyes. They were the bluest of blues. Like water, but much more crisp. Like the clear sky in the afternoon, but much more deep. They held me in place Sammy, and I didn't know it at the time, but they literally took my breath away. They also held recognition. I have no idea, but it was like the ghost was trying to figure out who I was, like he knew me. When I first saw him he was facing the tombstone, but soon he turned his whole body towards me. He kept staring at me, and slowly, he raised one of his arms towards me. At this point my heart is racing. I wanted to run, but not away. I wanted to move closer, but the fear caused my feet to root themselves into the ground. I was terrified. I was amazed.

Then the ghost took a step towards me. This movement brought me back to reality. "Who are you?" I asked him. At this point I was expecting some sort of reply. I mean, this is a ghost that saw and recognized me, and I have no idea who he is. When he saw me, his face went from trying to figure out who I am, to having a facial expression that could just be described as, not sad, but mourn. Like he has found someone so close and so dear to him that he has lost, and it ripped my heart in two. I didn't know who he thought I was, maybe a brother, good friend, but I knew that he was so desperate to get to me. I began to back away, but I heard him say a word.

I didn't know what it was at first; the sound was as transparent as he, it echoed through the air and finally it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Dean."

He said my name Sam. I just came to a town that I have never been to before, and here they have a ghost that has made appearances every night for no one knows how long, and he knows my name. How is that possible? That's not possible. Once I heard him speak my name a couple of things happened at once.

First, he disappeared. He was still walking in my direction when he simply vanished into thin air. Second, the whole of the real world came flooding back. Time seemed to stop when I first saw him, but soon the lights and sounds from the surrounding area flooded my senses once more  and I realized where I was and what was happening. And third, security found me. I should have been nervous about getting arrested, but once the cops realized where I was, they laughed.

"Coming to see Ken eh?" said the first cop. I completely ignored them, and I stil stared at the tombstone in front of us. I heard the second cop saying that they would let me off with a warning, given that I was a newcomer wanting to experience the Kensico Ghost, but next time I won't be so lucky. In a state of haze, I went back to my hotel. 

Man, I could not get an ounce of sleep Sammy. I am exhausted, but that ghost. Cas... that name still sounds so familiar. I know we haven't met anyone of that name, but it still causes something in my brain to, like... it's hard to explain, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

I have to see him again Sam. I thought that maybe some questions would get answered if I ran into him, but he only surfaced more questions.

I'll write back with any updates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I trying to write like Dean is just rambling his thoughts into a letter, so that's why the writing may not be grammatically correct. is that okay?


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Sam,

I saw him again last night. This time I went a little later, around 4 am. The night was clear and warm. The main road was almost empty, with only a car or two driving past every ten minutes, as opposed to the constant traffic during the day. The streetlights were still on, but looking up you can just make out the stars, especially when you're up on that hillside. I wanted to tell Sarah what happened last night, but I didn't want her to know that I have snuck into the cemetery when she told me not to. So I snuck in again. Honestly, I didn't care if the cops came after me this time, it was too important that I see him again.

I don't know what I was more frightened of, the fact that he knew my name, or the fact that there was something about him that kept pulling me closer and closer. Those eyes. They held more than recognition. They held something much more that I can't quite put into words.

Look at me Sammy, being a total sap.

So anyway, clear warm night, but again the temperature plummeted as I approached the tombstone. I came prepared though and brought a jacket, so it was more tolerable. I also walked from my motel, as opposed to driving over. It was a long walk, but it was worth it in the end; my car wouldn't give away my position and I would have the walk back to think about what happened. 

As if he knew I was coming, Cas appeared as I approached the tombstone. He looked relieved when he saw me again. I was still terrified, but I suck it up and moved forward towards him. Soon we were both standing, facing each other in front of that famous faded tombstone. Sammy sometimes when I tell stories I might have exaggerated some details, but this story, I remember everything. It has engraved every detail into my brain and every detail is as I say it.

Like I said, standing right in front of eachother. A good distance, but I still got lost in his eyes, and it took a moment for me to hear what he said in that deep liquid voice.

"Hello Dean," he said with a smirk.

I blinked a couple of times, my brain trying to tell me to say something, anything.

"Uhm," was all that I could muster.

The ghost looked at the ground, in the way a shy teenaged girl would do. When he looked up however, he had tears in his eyes.

"It's great to see you again."

Again? Hearing that made my mind snap into place. "I-I'm sorry, man," I started. I didn't know how to say it- how could one break a ghost's heart? They didn't have one, right? "I don't know who you are."

The ghost brought his eyebrows together in confusion and actually cocked his head to the side. Once he did that something in my heart made a backflip. I have no idea where it came from, but you know when someone you love does that thing that they don't know they're doing it, but everytime they do it you just fall in love with them all over again? It felt like that, but how could I fall in love with this man, this  _ghost_ if I have never seen him before in my life?

He wiped the tears from his eyes, and immediately I had the need to comfort him. I found myself moving forward and bringing my hand up to his face. I know this sounds crazy to you, that I would attempt to wipe tears from a milky white transparent ghost, but like I said, some force inside me made me do it. I brought my hand up to his cheek. I didn't feel his skin at all, but where he stood the air was as frigid as any winter day, maybe even colder, but I kept my hand there. And you know what? With his eyes closed, that bastard leaned his head into my hand, and brought up his own hand to cover mine.

"I understand Dean."

And like that he disappears.

The cops never came that night. I don't know if they saw what was happening, or just didn't care. I stood there for a good half hour trying to figure out what just happened. There is something going on, Sam. I need you to find out everything about this place, going back years and years. You need to find him, find out who he is. It is eating at me and even though I have no idea who he is, I miss him. I need him. Please Sam.

Help me find him.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean-

Don't worry, I'm looking. All morning I have been searching through the books of the library. I really don't think he is a ghost, though. Transparent? All of the years we have been hunting, we haven't seen any ghost like this. The only similarities they really have are the temperature drops. I have been looking at the history of Kensico and the surrounding areas though, and there seems to be other legends of the dam and the village under the reservoir. Ghosts have been seen around the dam, but the stories say that they aren't transparent, glowing, and are in period clothing from the 1800's.

Keep trying to get information from him Dean, he may not be causing any trouble to anyone in the town, but reading your letters tell me that he is doing a number to you, and even though I know you can handle yourself, be careful.

I'll let you know if I find anything.

* * *

Sammy

Thanks, man. A couple of days since I wrote last, but I am beginning to deal with this a lot better. I saw him two more times, and I did find out more information. Sarah found out that I have been sneaking in; turns out that the cops have seen me sneak in a couple more times, but they told her instead of throwing me behind bars. She was mad at first, but after I told her everything, she actually believed me. "Jesus Christ, Dean," she said, "All these years, and not a word from him to anyone. If you can actually talk to him? By all means, talk to him!"

Everyone's crazy in this town. I'm starting to think I am too.

That night everything was the same, temperature, lack of cars, I don't need to tell you that stuff anymore. We greeted each other with silence this time, both confused about the other. We just looked at each other, but I looked at him with wonder, and he looked at me with the saddest expression. "What's your name?" I asked him. Hey, he knew my name, it should be my right to know his.

"Castiel," he said. He gave a small smile as he said it, as if that would spark my memory. The only memory that came to mind was that Sarah was right- it did sound like it came straight out of the Bible.

I looked at the tombstone. It was pure white, and standing up straight, but it stuck out like a sore thumb among the grey and black smooth tombstones surrounding it. I moved forward and knelt down in front of it, while he stood behind me, watching. I felt the face of the stone, rippled with weathering. Looking close, I could only make out a capital 'E.' I sighed, yea like that would help me.

"Whose tombstone is this? Is it yours?" But before the I finished the question, the rise in temperature told me he was gone.

I spent the next day roaming the park. This was too much, and I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. Clouds hung heavy above me, and it was hot and humid. People were running and biking in the park, but they all had that same expression on their faces that begged for rain. I looked up at the large dam. People were also walking along the road on the top. Apparently there was a road up there that cars used to drive on, but I guess they closed it to cars and reopened it for people to walk on.

Turning away from the dam, I could see the City in the distance. Looking at it at this point, I remember passing through here when we had that case in New Paltz, and it was nothing like this. I laughed to myself- White Plains really is a mini-NYC. I took it easy yesterday, because I spent the past days worrying about this ghost- Castiel- that today I kind of wanted to forget him. 

But when the sun went down, he krept into my mind and took it for his own.

I went back to the tombstone and saw that he was waiting for me. I found that I had a smile on my face, like I was happy to see him. The strange part (well at this point, it should be predictable) was that I was happy to see him. I felt relieved that he was still there, like he has been missing my entire life and now that he is here I can finally  _breathe_.

"Hello Dean," he said, but he wasn't smiling. I approached him and my smile fell as well. It seemed like he had something to tell me, so I waited.

He looked down at the tombstone, his eyes moving across it, as if reading it, but I looked down as well and it was as unreadable as ever. I couldn't even see that 'E.'

"I am sorry, but yesterday you were asking me something before you disappeared."

"Yea I- wait, before  _I_ disappeared?" At that he looked up at me with that confused look again. That same lump in my heart did a backflip again, but I was confused; he was the one that disappeared. Thinking that it was ghost lingo or something, I let it pass. "Uhm, yea. I asked you whose tombstone that is. People in this city have been wondering for a long time." I ended it with a nervous chuckle, "Is it yours?"

At this he just looked at me. Quiet as stone, face blank. Under his stare I became more nervous, and I shifted my weight a couple of times, as well as switching my gaze from him to the tombstone. After what seemed like forever he answered, and Sammy, I have been looking online and in the local library ever since he said these words, but I still cannot undertand what the fuck is going on.

"It's yours Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all of the cliff hangers, trust me, i am, but i guess is a story like this i cant really avoid them??? but dont worry-- I am going insane about this the same way you are, so ill probably finish it within the next 24-48 hours (depending on how busy I am)
> 
> theres probably going to be 2-3 more chapters then an epilogue, so stay tuned! (I woke up at 730am to write this chapter, so yea, it'll be done soon) :)
> 
> (ps please dont kill me lol...)


	5. Chapter 5

Hey Dean, so get this-

I read what you said, an after a couple of minutes starting blankly at your letter, something in my head clicked. I read something about this, but at the time I didn't realize its significance. Castiel knows you, but you don't know him. He appears near a tombstone that is completely illegible every day. Him knowing you and this tombstone that is apparently yours is not a coincedence.

I went back into the library and found a book on Alternate Universes. I saw something in there that was about ghosts, but at that time I didn't have enough information. You know that theory that explains how when someone makes a decision, nature splits into two alternate realities, each living with a differnt outcome? The book explains that sometimes these alternate realities are linked to eachother, connected on the skin of another, like two bubbles. This cemetery just happens to be a connection. Now, by going on what you have told me, in the other reality, you knew Castiel, and something happened and you died. He is not a ghost that randomly appears at a tombstone, he comes everyday to visit yours. It also says that time may move at different speeds in different realities. People say that he has been seen for centuries, but for him it may only be a couple of months.

That feeling you get inside must be through a connection to yourself in the other universe. Even though you died over there, you, as a person, must have cared for, even loved, him so much that those feelings jumped across realities. That pull made you more interested in this case than it should have, causing you to travel halfway across the country to him.

Wow.

Talk about a love story.

* * *

Dean sits at the table in the motel room, reading and rereading the letter his brother sent him. Time was lost to him, and soon the sun falls in the sky, and he finds himself memorizing the letter word for word. He finally looks at the clock that reads 2:35 in the morning. He takes a deep breath and licks his lips. His heart is on overdrive and he feels the sweat coming through his pores. Alternate realities. It makes sense actually, but at the same time it hurts him even more-  this is a peak into another life of his, yes he is dead at this point, but he had someone over there whom he loved, who loved him in return. Was it worth his death to have that? If he had the chance, would he have rather lived in that life? At this point he only knows those two facts, he has no idea what was going on with Sam, or their hunting, or anything else. For all he knew the world as burning around them over there, and that one plot of land was the only light. Dean grabs his coat and goes out into the warm night.

Even though he is allowed to enter the cemetery at night, Dean still choses to take the walk. He needs to mentally prepare himself for this meeting. He is sure that Castiel thinks he is talking to the ghost of his... what, lover? Boyfriend? How did they meet? What was their first kiss, if there even was one? All these questions, and Dean didn't know if he wanted to know the answers.

He arives at the corner of the main road and the smaller road that enters the cemetery. From here he can see the milky white headstone. He takes another deep breath, and begins the walk up the hill. He arrives at the plot, but Castiel isn't there waiting for him. He also notices that the temperature didn't drop. He decides to wait for a little while; their timing can't be perfect all of the time. He sits on the ground and leans on the tombstone next to his own, finding it a little too creepy that he is lounging on his grave in an alternate universe. 

He doesn't know how long he waits, but soon he begins to doze.

"Dean? Dean."

Dean wakes up with a start. There are three things he notices immediately. One, his back is killing him. Two, the sun is shing bright and hot, seeing as he still has his coat on, and three, he never heard from Castiel the night before. He opens his eyes reluctantly and shields them against the sun as he sees Sarah standing over him with a concerned look.

"Dean are you okay? Have you learned anything new?"

Dean blinks a couple of times, before tunring to look at the tombstone. His heart drops when he sees that it's not the milky white and faded tombstone that has been there for years. The deep grey stone matches the rest. He leans forward and reads the stone:

 

David Mazzanti

Loving Father, Brother, Son

1946-1987

Dean doesn't breathe. He doesn't say anything. He hears Sarah asking him questions behind him- What happened to the stone? What did you do?- but he didn't answer. He couldn't answer.

"Dean?"

Dean gets up and leaves the cemetery, Sarah stays behind, looking at the tombstone. The walk back to the motel seems like miles for Dean, and with each step came the difficulty of keeping himself together. Fuck Sam and his letters.

"Sammy?" he says, after taking out his cell.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Dean smirks that with only one word Sam could tell that something was wrong. He could feel that lump in his throat as he begins to tell Sam what happened, and by the time he finished, he was furioulsy wiping the tears from his eyes with his coat. The sun still beats down on him as he continues to walk back to hte motel. "He's gone Sam. The tombstone isn't white, or faded. It's like he was never there. What happened Sammy?"

He hears Sam sigh and he pictures his brother running his hand through his hair. "Hold on," He can hear Sam putting the phone down, and soon the bending of paper as he flips through that old book. "Here, it says that these connections are very fragile. If two persons from each reality come into contact, the connection begins to recede, realizing the threat of the two universes overlapping, which would otherwise cause an implosion of the two. Once, quote-unquote, 'physical' contact has been made, it takes a couple of days for the connection to completely close."

Dean thinks back to when he cupped Castiel's face. He felt so cold, but he didn't want to let go. Now he will never see him again. He caught a glimps of another life, and now, even though the realities won't implode, he feels himself shutting down.

"I'm so sorry Dean," Sam says through the phone. Dean stops walking to find himself at the dam park instead of his motel. The dam looms high above him, its face directly in the sunlight causing the brown stone look bright and beautiful. 

"Yea. It's fine," Dean says, and hangs up. He walks along the outer edge on the concrete path surrounding the large park. He makes his way towards another main road that cuts through the park and sits on a bench that faces the dam. He feels empty. He doesn't cry, but just stares ahead of him. He pictures what's on the other side of the dam, all that water that can easily flood this area. Dean leans his head back, and pictures the wall of water pushing him back, and swallowing him whole-

"Excuse me," a concerned voice says.

Dean snaps back to reality and opens his eyes. It seems he has fallen asleep again, all those sleepless nights are finally catching up. The sun has disappeared behind clouds, and the air has cooled quite a bit. Wind has also picked up, creating an unusual nip in the air. Dean sees someone sitting next to him on the bench.

"I'm sorry, I walked past you once before an hour and a half ago, and coming back seeing you in the same position, well, I was worried."

Dean's jaw drops. Sitting next to him, with a small smile on his face, wearing a trenchcoat, completely opaque, is Castiel. 

"Uhm," is all he managed to say, and the next is a laugh, he just couldn't beleive this. "Yea, yea I'm fine." he pauses, looking at this Castiel again. He looks exactly the same, but he doesn't have that expression of recognition, but he does brings his eyebrows together and cocks his head to the side.

"What's so funny? I was making sure you weren't dead," but the small smile returns.

"Nothing, uhm, it has been a long week." He holds out his hand. "I'm Dean."  _My how the tables have turned._

Castiel's smile grows, and he takes Dean's hand. His hand feels solid and warm. "Castiel."

 

**-end-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAIT! there's an epilogue that I'll add later tonight or something. I hope you'll forgive me with ending the letter format. And I really hope you liked it! This little short story was one of those that attacked and ate my mind and I HAD to write it down! Hence, basically finishing it in three days. Also I love getting comments, it tells me that I'm doing a good job and it makes me happy c:
> 
> hope the angst wasn't too much x.x


	6. Epilogue: Castiel's Letters to Dean

Dear Dean,

You will not answer this letter I write to you, but Sam told me that it might help me. The past two months have not been the best, but I am healing, slowly yet surely. Sam and I still go on hunts, but for some reason, they have not been as dangerous or world-threatening since before... I am sorry, Dean, but it still hurts when I try to talk about it. It was like the world, the universe, believed that their job has been completed once you...

I am sorry Dean. I should have been there for you.

Sam keeps reassuring that it was not my fault, it was not anyone's fault. It was one of those things that just had to happen. I will always have that guilt, but yes, I do believe that in the end there was nothing that anyone else could have done. I am so proud of you Dean.

Castiel

* * *

Dear Dean,

I was able to visit your grave today. Sam said that enough time has passed that I was able to visit. We both decided not to burn your remains. It may have been for sentimental reasons, but it felt right. I could not imagine you just being gone; at least with this I still have some sort of connection to you.

Your grave is in a small cemetery just outside of a city in New York. It is located on a hillside that looks over the rest of the cemetery. Being in a rural setting, there is a lot going on; a state Parkway cuts right through. I think you would like it. I have taken a habit of visiting you everyday, I hope you do not mind.

Castiel

* * *

Dear Dean,

There have been strange things happening at your gravesite lately. Your stone seems to be weathering at a rate that is much too fast. Only a couple of years now, but already your name is beginning to wear; I can hardly make out the dates anymore. I am worried, it is like I am loosing you a second time. Another thing that goes on is the fact that the temperature drops in the same area. However, this feeling is not the same chill like one would feel in the winter. It feels like the heavy weight of the heat is suddenly lifted, and the air becomes light and somehow, I feel free. I know that it is impossible for you to do something like that, but I have been going back every night to look at the stars and be free with you.

Castiel

* * *

Dear Dean,

I saw you today.

But at the same time, I knew it wasn't you. You didn't know who I was. At first I couldn't believe it, but after blinking my eyes a couple of times, you were still there. You asked me who I was, in that same deep voice you had. Oh, how I missed that voice. So long it has been, and I had forgotten how you sounded. At the same time, my heart broke that you didn't remember me. I guess now I fully understand how you felt when my memory was wiped when my grace was taken away. I tried to think about what to say. So many things ran through my mind 'How are you here?' 'I am Castiel' 'I miss you' 'It is good to see you' but only one word escaped my lips.

"Dean."

You looked surprised that I knew your name, almost afraid. I stared into your green eyes, trying to tell you that everything was going to be okay, and I saw hope. I saw that deep down, there was some sort of recognition within you. You didn't say anything else, nor did you move. I took the liberty to take a step towards you, but you disappeared. Just like that.

I stared at the empty space where you just stood seconds before. My knees gave out, and I fell to the ground and wept. The air became hot and heavy once more. I did not know how long it was before Sam came to get me. I told him what happened, and despite everything that we have done, that we have all done, he did not believe me. That hurt me even more. He did not feel the air's shift in temperature, and he blamed the unusual stormy weather to your gravestone breaking down.

I guess from now on this will be our secret meetings.

Till next time.

Castiel

* * *

Dear Dean,

I prepared myself to see you again, but after a few words we exchanged, tears began to fall from my eyes, and just like old times, you pressed your hand against my cheek. You were like ice Dean, but your glow warmed me. I leaned into your hand, memories resurfacing from when you were alive. At that moment I missed you the most. I missed your touch. I still do. I told you how happy I was to see you again but at that you became confused once more, and I remembered that you had no idea who I was.

I understand Dean.

Castiel

* * *

Dear Dean,

You asked me what my name was. I was hoping that it would make you remember who I was, but unfortunately it did not. Then something strange happened (well, relatively of course) You didn't know that this was your grave. Usually ghosts know that they are dead. That was when I knew something was different. I thought back to our past encounters: you not remembering, your icy cold feel, your transparency and faint glow. I remember these situations. They are common enough in any supernatural occurrences, but together? No, this is something else. Something big.

You are Dean, but not my Dean.

You belong to a different reality. A reality where almost everything is the same, but there are few details that are different. Like not knowing who I am. I don't know what my role is in the other world, but I know it's not with you. Or not yet; anything is possible. After you left that time, I knew it was the last- your tombstone changed, the weathering disappeared and your name was clear. A small smile appeared on my face. Even though you are not with me anymore in my world, you are alive and well in an infinite realities just outside my own. There are universes where we are still happy together, others where I don't know you at all. Maybe in this other world we are just about to meet for the first time. Another one we despise each other.  Maybe we are convicts on the run. In some we still hunt together, while in others we are ordinary people. I might still have my grace in one, and maybe our roles are switched in another, where you watch over me with your beautiful angel grace.

Infinite realities. Infinite possibilities, but I know that in each and everyone of them, we will be connected one way or another.

That is the one thing I can say with confidence.

I will see you soon, Dean

Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I really hope this is good. Please let me know if this is good, I'll love you forever.
> 
> but yep that's that for that.  
> Hope you enjoyed :D
> 
> find me on tumblr under the same name and ill update on if/when i write other fics c:


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